How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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