i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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