you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
