There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
