Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
