some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
