Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
