please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
