Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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