I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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