New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
