Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
