My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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