They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
