The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
