why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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