Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
