some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was CRYING into my vagina
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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