she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
