You really coming over, don't trick.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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