what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
