we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
it's like iHOP with fire
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
