Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
