my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
