Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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