you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
