Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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