And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize