i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
