I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Randomize