Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
