I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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