i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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