There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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