lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
