nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
