i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
