i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
