I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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