areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
