After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
