Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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