I wannas sexs uuuuu
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
