he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I need to sanitize my soul.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
