I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
