do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
