Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
