Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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