Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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