No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
