chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Your penis caused this!
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
