I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
