They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
