my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
its not stalking. its research.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
