She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
