I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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