Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
