i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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