just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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