I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Vodka?
Forever.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
