we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
