Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize