I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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