That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
