If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
