i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
