I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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