I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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