Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
