I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
