He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
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you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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