I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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