i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
