I don't remember. Are we still dating?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
