I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
