Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
