I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
