Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
You should frame my arrest warrant.
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