whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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