ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I'm really busy with my period
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