Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
