I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
