remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
