gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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