she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
