literally had 100 drinks last night.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
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sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
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