8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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